When the Universe Decides You Want a Reboot

You seriously can’t make this stuff up.

Close to the time the Manchester, New Hampshire based rock band, Scalawag, was wrapping wires and breaking down the drummers model new established of kick ass drums very last Saturday night time at Memorial Discipline in Pembroke, I was around in close proximity to the electrical box, shutting down the power on what was a glorious night time.

And, I never say that evenly. The evening was a scrumptious, savory night with the temper established on smooth winds, orange dusky skies, and the wiry, infectious seems of the band, rocking someplace concerning the Replacements and Southside Johnny.

I hated that electrical box from the moment I noticed it. I’m not very superior with that things. I know, “What stuff, meat? You flick the swap. Which is it.” All over again, I know, but there are just so numerous switches, at least seven. I’m always specified when assigned the endeavor to energy up, that I will shut the entire village of Suncook down with 1 phony flick.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t even the box that haunted me, it was people damn bees hovering within, outdoors and everywhere you go all around the electrical box. We really don’t have a great deal of a earlier heritage, me and bees.  Number of stings right here and there as a child, a several extra as an grownup.  Absolutely nothing further than a delicious welt and a touch of pain. But when a hornet or a wasp caught me on the cheek with just one of their stingers previous weekend, very well, I did a lot more than just wince and curse this time. I just about died.

This is no joke.

Bees are community enemy Selection One this year, out on hunt, not just for blood, but for lives. Two months ago, a young man from New Hampshire who was in his 30’s died soon after currently being stung by a hornet.  His technique shut down, as did his mind, and it was more than. Just like that. A fucking bee ruined so many life! Unimaginable.

Unless of course you are me.

Less than ten minutes following remaining stung, I was wonderful, operating my mouth, sitting with a close friend on a blanket, examining in on the evening.  Her a few calendar year old son, Sir Wyatt, came barreling around, cute as can be. I got up to chase the minor man like a monster, Brando style, as in the Godfather, when Vito was monster mashing with his grandson prior to he had a heart assault in the backyard. But, I wasn’t in a garden with an orange rind in my mouth. I was in the middle of a park, a area that was emptying out of attendees right after the display.

Wyatt had his hustle on so I gave chase. That did not last long. Five measures in I went to my knees, then my deal with went crashing into the grass. Thump! Proper on my nose, arms free of charge. I was afterwards instructed by a group of buddies who were standing not far away, leaning versus my newly rediscovered Dodge Dakota, that I stood up, took just one stage and experience planted 207 lbs of Father girth back into the earth.

Crack! Correct on my confront yet again. Madness ensued.

The relaxation is remember by my close friends who were frantically hoping to continue to keep me from slipping to the other side. I know what you’re imagining, and I really don’t blame you: “Every tale wants a minor zest. And he’s shaking it on quite superior in this article.” I’m not. Items bought unappealing.

I was in a complete seizure.  All from a bee sting.  My lips were being bloody from my piercing tooth and the broken nose I suffered from the collapse left me with even a much larger orb attached to my deal with than earlier endured. I started a comprehensive on slide into the unfamiliar. I was convulsing. I proudly pissed and shit myself. My complete overall body was cold sweat. This I am told.

What irony, I later on thought, that it was really probable I was likely to beat my have mother to the grave. And she was lying in a hospice house in the Bay Condition, rebirthing (I am advised) her way into a new daily life. What circumstance. What odds.

A person shouted, “He said he had bought stung by a bee! Who has an EpiPen!?”


Then someone called 911. Others ran to me and turned me about, revealed a slumping, gurgling mess of a guy. Somebody held my again, encouraging me to breath, which I was not undertaking with any consistency.  My confront was wiped very clear of blood.  My eyes were being swimming in the sockets — leaning, leaning, leaning at any time so carefully in the direction of a total slumber.

Nonetheless, even unconscious, I felt my mate, Jimmy, giggling to himself as he chowed down on a cigarette, declaring under his warm breath,  “Ha!  So a bug bite killed him. That’s so lame.”

Ten minutes later on, I awoke in an ambulance following one of the medics hit me with a EpiPen. I came via in a halt, like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. Dazed and ugly, my new jeans were tarnished on both of those ends and my nose seems like I had truly pissed Ronda Rousey off. I experienced grit on my enamel and my mouth tasted like I had absent to town on a patch of sod. But, I was fully functional –fingers, ft, neck, everything.  Close simply call. I went to the ER, acquired a CAT scan, obtained cleaned up and was dwelling by — fatigued and sore in the confront, but comparatively at simplicity with what had taken spot.

I mentioned to myself, “If the previous detail I recall prior to dying is chasing a cute little boy around a discipline with a dozen people that I certainly surrounding me, I’ll just take it.”

Essentially, a single of my mother-in-law”s” (Not a typo. I’ll inform you about it afterwards. Lengthy tale, but a wonderful one particular.) who is quite hearty in the soul, described the experience as the universe determining it was time for my everyday living to get rebooted, a overall shut down and restart. I’d been operating, perhaps, much too sizzling. I’m not guaranteed if that’s a superior or terrible point, and I’m not asking, but it sounded as superior as any other explanation for me virtually dying from a bee sting.  

I went to the basement afterwards that evening, took it down, performed some Tyler Childers and thought of the night.  My good friends and spouse have been messed up emotionally, some far more than many others, some unexpectedly revealing in their concern for my perfectly currently being. It was awful to witness for all of them, and for that I am most sorry. I suggest complete on warfare versus the buzzing enemy as retribution for their sufferings. Glance what they have carried out, glance at the emotional horror these little shits bestowed upon all these high-quality persons.

The heathen on the floor, perfectly, he likely deserved it. Not them even though.

But then once more, “Even the losers get lucky often.”

Rob Azevedo can be arrived at at [email protected]

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When the Universe Decides You Require a Reboot