My Boyfriend Is Both Attractive and Safe. Why Do I Think of Breaking Up with Him?

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Me and my boyfriend have been together for around 3 months. When we first started dating I didn’t really get the butterflies, I got nervous cause I was scared that I would say something and he wouldn’t like me. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes even though I didn’t really like like him yet or maybe I did but I know I do now. At the start I would nitpick every little thing about him and I don’t know why. He’s such an amazing guy and when we’re together I just feel so safe and like nothing else matters. I’m sexually attracted to him but when it comes down to having sex I always get nervous and insecure and overthink everything. Now when I’m not with him and occasionally when we’re together I get random thoughts of oh do I really like him and trying to convince myself I don’t. When we’re apart I just feel so distant from him and my mind tries to tell me I don’t like him and I should break up with him when I really don’t want to, I don’t understand what’s going on.

Grace

You’re in a healthy relationship, Grace.

This is how it feels.

I know it can be confusing when your default setting for relationships is anxiety but trust me on this one.

I know it can be confusing when your default setting for relationships is anxiety but trust me on this one.

I spent ten years dating everyone in Los Angeles.

I never had a girlfriend for more than 8 months.

I was always looking for a greater high.

The women who excited me most dumped me – in one month, three months, six months.

The women who were safe and easygoing never seemed like enough of a challenge.

It took me awhile but I finally outgrew the desire for butterflies – probably when I realized that butterflies had never been a good predictor of my future.

I have an exercise in Love U called The Husband Picker.

In it, you learn why you nitpick some guys and not others, and consider what it’s like to have a man who is constantly nitpicking with you.

What you eventually realize is that the reason you feel safe with your boyfriend is that he accepts you as you are. This doesn’t necessarily produce a dopamine spike, which is why you find yourself second-guessing your relationship, but you don’t need to be addicted to your boyfriend like he’s crystal meth. You need to have a boyfriend who allows you to let down your guard, be yourself, and yes, still provide sexual attraction.

You have all of that.

Now sit back, relax, and try to enjoy the show.



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My Boyfriend Is Both Attractive and Safe. Why Do I Think of Breaking Up with Him?